I Could Feel What was Going On, But Could Not Explain It
This left me in an awkward position relative to everyone else – who could not feel it, or explain it – and didn’t want to.
What was this it that I am talking about?
How was my perception of it different from ordinary paranoid hysteria? Where its victims see danger everywhere.
A story might help – of when my paranoia was at its worst. I was working for the Army Research Labs, in Ft. Belvoir, Va – a scenic location just south of Washington, DC. at the beginning of the Vietnam War.
The name of the place was deliberately deceiving. Its purpose was to spend money as fast as possible – and to empower the idiots who were running the place. I was miserable – and no one could understand why. They were wasting my money, the taxpayer’s money – but even worse, they were ruining America. I wanted to scream!
I walked behind the building where I was working – and the grass in the back talked to me! And it felt reassuring. This taught me that the world was looking out for me – and not to despair.
I have since wondered if that message was erroneous, because things did not improve. But only got more complicated – a bizarre mix of the good and the bad. That no one could understand – so they quit trying to understand.
This is what I saw, because everyone was showing me this – but almost no one else could see it. I was left wondering – was I crazy, or were they crazy? I have since realized this was too simple a question. We have to untangle the mess we are in – in order to say “This is wrong, but this is right!”
Can we do this? Probably not – but we have to try. And we have nifty new tools to help us – based on the Computer. All we need is the social will to use them – and to think about where we are.
Believe me, this is not easy – immediately we feel the pressure to not think – but only obey. This is one of our most basic instincts – to be like everyone else. We hate to be different. Only when we see other people doing something different – will we join them.
This results in bursts of creativity – followed by long periods of conformity. And sometimes both can happen at the same time, in different sub-populations – as it is now.