When is Love Love?

In my experience – not very often.

And maybe it is just as well that way. Foolish love creates plenty of problems – sensible love, even if it is not truly love, may not yield rapture – but is practical.

Love may be the exercise of interpersonal power. The control of one person (or a group) over another. Often this is sadistic/masochistic – very unhealthy, but for many people, irresistible.

We frequently marry our mother (or father). I did, even though we both rejected our parents. Somehow they became part of our relationship, whether we wanted them to, or not. They had affected us so profoundly, during our childhoods – we could not get rid of them, as adults.

Or love may be the acting out of an fantasy – we know we are supposed to find love – so we do! Who is going to admit to being emotionally deficient – and single? At one time, this was not a problem – America’s first poets, Dickinson and Whitman, never married – and were not pressured to do so. One hundred years later, this pressure became irresistible.

People often exhibit their marital difficulties proudly – they are proof that they are in love! Other people may see this differently – but keep their conclusions to themselves.


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