Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
“Love arises from within ourselves as an imaginative act, a creative synthesis that aims to fulfill our deepest longings, our oldest dreams, that allows us both to renew and transform ourselves.” Love is at once an affirmation and a transcendence of who we are.
Through love we imagine a new way of being. You see me as I’ve never seen myself. You airbrush my imperfections, and I like what you see. With you, and through you, I will become that which I long to be. I will become whole. Being chosen by the one you chose is one of the glories of falling in love. It generates a feeling of intense personal importance. I matter. You confirm my significance.
Against this, I can say, with complete confidence – that I have never been in love! I thought I was in love when I was married, we both did – what else could we have thought? But that was the thinnest of illusions, that was soon swept away. By the hatred in both our families.
At the same time, I can see many others doing the same thing – my Mother and Father, for example. And everyone else in my family.
I can even point at entire towns that are this way – or even the MidWest (a huge area) where I was raised.
I can remember Ida Lutz, the Avon Lady in my home town of 1000 people. She was a gossip, who always started by saying “I know I shouldn’t be saying this!” Mother, a very religious woman (the whole town was religious) was always very eager to hear the latest.
Mandy Len Catron: A better way to talk about love
The woman has fallen in love – and has survived to write a book about it.
What we should do, she says – is to think about it carefully. Knowing perfectly well, that everyone would agree with her – but ignore what she says.
The reason for this is simple – there is little love in our materialistic society. And most people have only experienced it in its negative form – when we were rejected as small children.
And we don’t want any more of that stuff.
I continue to read Love in the Dark – a subject that is really in the dark for me, because I have never experienced it. And I have never known anyone who has experienced it – in my opinion.
I read about her experiences with fascination – almost like she was a creature from another planet. She has convinced me that love does exist – somewhere, somehow – and that it is a good thing, although I am not so sure of that.
I can see that good business relations are a good thing. And that most marriages consist of this. But love is far more dangerous. And that is probably why most people avoid it. They want to stay in control of their lives, and falling in love means risking that.
I can also see that sex is a necessary (although tricky) part of love. And that a stressful childhood can produce asexual personalities. Hitler being a famous example.
I continue to read Love in the Dark. And I continue to realize how little love was in my family – practically none at all. And how it was never missed. And how my family was normal for its time and place.
What a huge loss!
I speak as a man who was married – and thought he was in love. But later realized he was not – or at least not very much.
Beth kicked me out of her life, and never missed me. She later reconsidered, and made an attempt at a reconciliation – but this lasted for only 30 minutes – before she tore into me again. Hate, for her, was stronger than love.
And she no doubt got this from her parents, who got it from their parents – and so on.
Love has to give way to more practical matters – mostly matters of money and prestige.
Or even hate pretending to be love.